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Today marks a new low for Baddie. I’ve decided to tell you who I have the hots for in the wonderful world of animation. Yeah, I know this is going to be uncomfortable and we’ll probably share a lot of awkward moments when we meet in person, but goddammit I have to let you know! It’s just the right thing to do! Ladies and gents, the Cartoons I’d Like to Fuck:

DAPHNE

You can meddle with me anytime, kid.

I have this thing for redheads (to be very apparent later on in the list) and everybody knows Daphne is one of the hottest animated redheads ever. She was hot even before Buffy Michelle Gellar brought her into the live action world. And with her hanging around that pothead Shaggy all the time, you’d think she’s always high and, you know, willing to “experiment”.

BELLE

Your beauty tames my beast.

She brought hope to all the lonely and horny freaks in the world when she fell in love with a douchebag monster. And by inference, we can say she has dabbled in bestiality at some point in her life. She also showed that not all pretty chicks are snobs. I mean, she talks to furniture. Pretty and nice. And she’s the hottest chick ever to wear a yellow dress. Am I right, guys?!

SHE-RA

For the honor of Greyskull, let’s do it!

I’m a child of the 80’s, so it wouldn’t be a surprise if I tell you that I wanted to be He-Man and I wanted to bang She-Ra. Which would be weird if both wishes happen since they’re brother and sister. But still, She-Ra’s hot. It’s been a dream of mine since I was a kid to meet someone like her. You know, a sword-wielding chick who rides a winged horse and who can punch a tank like it’s nobody’s business.

TINKER BELL

Second base to start the night, straight on ’til morning!

OK, I know she’s like 2 inches tall, but she’s hot. I have a thing for petite chicks, especially if they have wings. And if they dispense pixie dust. But the sexiest thing about her is her feisty attitude. Baddie likes them bitchy.

SCARLETT, LADY JAYE, & THE BARONESS

Real American hotties. Mwreowrrr.

I can’t pick just one, so I’m including all three G.I. Joe chicks. Lady Jaye has this sexy name that just rolls off the tongue. The Baroness and her black leather outfit scream bondage. Scarlett… well, she’s a redhead. And remember, kids, guns and hot chicks is always a sexy combination. Bonus sexy points if the gun-wielding chicks like to punch ninjas in the face.

JASMINE

I’ll show you a whole new world, princess.

A hot exotic physique and a sweet singing voice equals “I’d tap that!” She’s always displaying her midsection, which is universally sexy. She drips sex appeal especially when she’s stroking her pet tiger all the time. Makes you think she’s always lonely and shit. Also, she’s rich.

SAILOR VENUS

Venus Power, make out!

OK, I’m not a fan of anime, but anime girls are hot. Sure, they all look alike, but the Sailor Team girls stand out. Ever seen them changing from their school uniforms into their school uniform-like costumes? Awesome, right? And among the Sailor Team chicks, Venus was the one who just stole my heart. Really, there’s a reason why they call her “Venus”. If she were ugly, they’d call her “Uranus”. Hyuk! That joke, it never gets old. OK, it does. Shut up.

THE LITTLE MERMAID

Wanna see my seahorse?

Bar none, Ariel’s the hottest redhead in all of cartoondom. No, scratch that. She’s the hottest redhead ever. There’s nothing sexier than a redhead who’s always wet and very much willing to “explore”. I know there’s going to be bestiality involved if you try something with her and it’ll be much more acceptable if you try it in her human form, but dude. The magic of her hotness involves her tight little half-fish body swimming around in slightly murky waters! Am I creeping you out now? Yes? Well LOL to you and your face because I don’t care!

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