The Universe Tried to Screw Me Over but Failed
It’s obvious that the Universe has been constantly trying to screw me over since the day I was born, as evidenced by my chinky eyes that aren’t really chinky but still looks kinda chinky. I’ve always taken crap from the Universe and all its cosmic conspiracies against me. But I say it’s time to fight back! And last night, when one of its minions tried to ambush me with his sideswiping powers, I showed it that I mean frickin’ business!
I was driving home from work, picking my nose like nobody’s business, right? I saw this chick outside a cab (I dunno whether she was coming in or out of the cab, but she’s hot) in front of the Valle Verde Country Club in Pasig. I slowed down as a courtesy to the lovely lady because, as we all know, speeding in front of respectable hot chicks is simply rude. So anyway, yeah. I slowed down. And then this asshole cut me off, and HE ACTUALLY HIT ME! Here’s a 2D re-enactment of the appalling incident:
I honked my horn like hell. I don’t know if I was hallucinating, but I think I projected my thoughts into my car’s horn and it actually said “STOP, MOTHAFUCKA!!!” The asshole slowed down for a while, and then he sped off. I tried to get his plate number, but guess what. His plate says “Honda Cars Makati”. Brand new Honda Civic being driven by an asshole and I accidentally placed the largest conglomerate of scratches in history on its rear left side? WIN! And all the douchebag did to Fucker, my RAV 4, was this:
Yeah. Most of those “scratches” are just dry mud lines. Hardly any real scratch on him. He’s such a bad ass.
After the moron sped off, I simply went on my way to C5. Any normal dude would’ve stopped on the side of the road to check out the damage, but I ain’t normal. I have this almost symbiotic (I know. Fucker’s an inanimate object. Just play along. ktnx) relationship with Fucker. That’s why after we got hit by Mr. Gone in 60 Seconds, I got the feeling that Fucker wasn’t really hurt. And I was right.
Fucker and I came out of the experience hardly scratched. The dirtbag driver of the brand new Honda Civic, however, is sooo gonna be pissed when he sees my awesome handiwork. And the Universe? Well, it tried to screw me over, but it failed miserably. I ain’t taking shit from you anymore, Universe! I. AM. INVINCIBLE.
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PWNAGE! Yeah man, give the finger to the universe!
oh yeah. pwned big time. Maybe new Honda civic was also new on the road driver? or driver didn’t own new Honda civic? whuever
@Ade: YEAH! FINGER THE UNIVERSE! I mean… yeah. You know what I mean.
@Joiz: Whoever the driver was, he’s in for a big “D’OH!” moment. HUHLOLZ
LOLz, but Honda Civic will be covered by insurance!
Fucker totally kicked the universe’s ass. :D
(Not you, Baddie, but FUCKER. Yay!)
@aLOLapenny: But still. The Civic’s probably on the road for only a few days, couple of weeks tops. It has a large gash on its rear end. Fucker’s 7 years old and his scratches can be covered by, I dunno, wax? I’m pretty sure no insurance can cover the sucky feeling of your car being pwnt by an old RAV 4 with a fat ass driver. HUHLOLZ
@Jew: Well thanks a lot for the affirmation! Ass.
Dapat kasi di na tumitingin sa hot chick eh. sabi mo nga women are assholes. Anyhow, ayan may mas-emo na akong post! HAHAHAHAH! EMOTIONAL FOREVAR! It’s like a Lulz at it’s finest!
Hey! I couldn’t let you take all the credit now, could I?
@Shinji: Although wimmens can be assholes sometimes (I’m looking at you, Ex who left me for a ridiculously athletic dumbass!), they still deserve to be appreciated. Hence my long stares. Heh.
@Jew: And that’s why you’re a real friend. 8-> Punk.