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OK let me go pervy on your asses for this post. After all, it’s a well known fact that I’m a comic book geek, and it’s scientifically proven that 99.9999% of all comic book geeks love hot women. And there’s also a scientific study that 99.9999% of hot women don’t like comic book geeks. It’s true. That golden unicorn with pixie dust coming out of its ass showed me a copy of the white papers.
#5: Jessica Alba - The only reason I watched Into the Blue is Ms. Alba. I had a huge crush on her ever since I saw her on the Flipper TV series. And although both film and comic critics choke at the mere mention of the Fantastic Four movie, and despite she was naked only when she was invisible, I still love her as the Invisible Woman.
#4: Elisha Cuthbert - I don’t usually drool over blondes, but Elisha is an exception. She’s got that bombshell quality that will make you not care if she’s all natural or if she went through a Chicago cosmetic surgery. In fact, I’m not even sure if she had things done. And I don’t give a shit. She’s hot!
#3: Kim Smith - She’s so hot that the director of Van Wilder had a scene written into the script specifically for a Kim Smith appearance. If I’m a film producer, I’ll produce a film entirely made up of Kim Smith running and walking about in her undies and in her birthday suit. I’ll then include extra scenes on the DVD and I’ll watch it night and day.
#2: Aubrey Miles - She made me watch a Filipino R-18 movie for the first time with her film Prosti. And no matter what the critics say, I still think she can sing. My ex-girlfriends knew that I’ll be willing to leave them at a drop of a hat if Aubrey says she’s willing to marry me. And that rule still applies today. My Aubrey fixation is a sickness. A maddening and soothing sickness.
#1: Kelly Hu - Who? Kell Hu, that’s who! I always wanted to go to Hawaii, and if the chicks there are as hot as Kelly, I’m thinking I’m making the right decision here. When she died in X3, I almost cursed at Wolverine. But knowing that Wolverine can slice me up before I can say “Dude, he’s a fictional character!”, I didn’t.
And now you know why hot women don’t like comic book geeks. Or at the very least, just me.
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