Before I explain that X-Week isn’t what you think it is (you perv), let me just bore you with the recent developments within the confines of this blog (you know Baddie doesn’t have a life when all developments he can report are about his blog).

While I was starting development on the new UPLB MASS Online this past week, I discovered a few new cool stuff in K2 (my WordPress theme, not the company I work for) in its latest release, version 0.9.5. I decided to upgrade my K2 0.9.1 installation with this mother. I won’t go into details, but I fucked up my blog big time. Good thing I managed to backup my database and my files right before I did the upgrade. Nevertheless, things are back to normal. Well, actually I’d like to think things are better now with my new links page, which I dubbed “Black Holes“, and my new and really neat archives page, which I dubbed… umm… “Archives“. Yeah, I ran out of clever space-related words.

And just before I wrote this stupid boring piece, my Bad Behavior plugin behaved badly. It didn’t let me into my admin page and it scared the living shit out of me. Thanks to a little snooping around the Interwebs, I managed to fix the issue. Hooray for snooping!

Also, I’ve been doing this weekly comics haul commentaries (I can hardly call it “reviews”) for several months now on a regular schedule (which is weekly, duh) and I think it deserves to be an official series of posts. So starting this week, you can expect to read a new Weekly Haul post, which will contain my commentaries on comics I bought and maybe some insight on the latest comic news, every Sunday morning. Or possibly Monday if I get a life during Saturday nights.

Now, on to this X-Week shit. Simple, really. Out of 6 comics I purchased this week, 4 of them are X-Men-related. The whole Civil War thing made me forget all about the mutants who brought me to the comic book dance in the first place. I think it’s time that I pay attention to them again. As Marvel has been teasing fans for a while now with a huge upcoming X-event this year, it’s X-citing (LOLZ) to see that it all starts this week. Nice. Now, on to the haul (SPOILERS AHOY!):

52 #40: I’ve never found Steel (DC‘s industrialist in a high-tech armor, not The Man Blog‘s resident child molester) interesting. The Shaq movie didn’t help. This is the first time I actually recognize him as a badass. He invites the Teen Titans to join him in attacking Lex Luthor‘s building to rescue his irritating niece.

He fights a giant crab (don’t ask) before coming face-to-face with Super Luthor. Luthor smacks Steel around, not to mention frying him with his new heat vision power. Pretty decent smackdown until Luthor is beaten by microwave emissions or something. D’oh!

In other news, the Four Horsemen lay waste to Kahndaq, and you just know that Black Adam is fucking pissed about it. I’m so frickin’ excited about him inevitably reaching his boiling point and kicking all asses in sight!

I give this 3 out of 5 annoying sons of Plastic Man.

New Avengers #27: Okay, first of all, Leinil Yu kicked ass on pencils with this baby. Quiet moments actually look quiet, and fight scenes would make you seek cover with all the debris and kicks flying around. I hope Yu stays with the title for the long haul.

Poor Echo got left behind in Japan because her friends became too entangled with their little Civil War. She fights the Hand and eventually gets stabbed by their leader, Elektra. I never knew Elektra could be such a bitch. A sexy bitch.

When all seems lost, Echo’s friend Daredevil sends help in the form of a new Ronin, Spider-Man, Iron Fist, Luke Cage, Wolverine, Doctor Strange, and Spider-Woman, the new New Avengers! That splash page where they first appear together is sooo fuckin’ sweet.

The first half of the book is Echo being emo (it rhymes!) and the Hand kicking her ass, and the second part is witty banter among the Avengers during a fight with ninjas. This, ladies and gentlemen, is my Book of the Week.

I give this 5 out of 5 ninjas staring at Elektra’s sweet ass.

Uncanny X-Men #483: I’ve always had a thing for bad girls. That’s probably why I had a crush on Deathbird ever since I saw her in one of those old bootlegged trading cards I collected back when I was in elementary. This issue re-affirms my admiration for this psychopathic beauty.

This chapter of The Rise and Fall of the Shi’ar Empire spotlights the relationship between Vulcan and the aforementioned Deathbird. A relationship built on blood, vengeance, violence, and passion. “Bonnie and Clyde” in spaaaaace!

This is my favorite chapter of this space saga so far. And seeing that there are 3 issues left, I hope to all that is holy that it’ll get better as Ed Brubaker and pals wrap things up.

I give this 4 out of 5 shots of tongue action.

X-23: Target X #3: In this issue, X-23 kills a stupid little dog. Seeing that I hate dogs, I’m confirming that my infatuation with X-23 grows with every snikt! her cute little claws make.

We get to see one of her early missions involving the Kingpin and an invisible dude who got punk’d big time by our cute little berserker. The Kingpin is written as he should be: coldhearted badass. Kudos also to the Top Cow team for another great looking piece of comic book goodness.

In the past two issues, we saw X-23 as a lost soul, a sexy killing machine, a motherless child, a confused teenager, and a scared young girl. In this issue, we see a fucking scary weapon of death and dismemberment. I so fucking heart X-23.

I give this 5 out of 5 awesome sexy poses.

X-Men Annual #1: First of all, that is one sexy cover. Exotic blue skin of Mystique, tittie shot of Rogue, a hot schizo Aurora, and her gay twin brother. Okay, it stops being hot after “Aurora”.

As hot as Mystique and her blue skin may be, I’m getting tired of her whiny attitude about Rogue resisting her offer of a new start of their mother-daughter relationship. Where’s the femme fatale we used to know? Anyhoo, she’s still a fictional MILF in my book.

Exodus‘ return is kinda lame with things ending in him realizing that making mutants the superior race is kind of hard after the Decimation event reduced the number of mutants to less than 200. Still a fun read though with all the action happening. And the last page is kind of exciting for all X-Men fans. It’s supposed to herald Marvel’s big X-Men event later this year. Something sinister is afoot.

I give this 3 out of 5 hot Canadian chicks telling a nun “punish me and make me good”.

X-Men: Phoenix – Warsong #5: Finally, the X-Men mini-series with no oomph is over. Man, is this boring. I picked up this mini-series anticipating the return of Jean Grey, because really, the Phoenix concept can never work without her. Evar.

Instead of getting a really hot redhead, we get hundreds of hot young nubile blondes. Come to think of it, it isn’t that bad.

We end up right where we started. No significant death. No life-shattering reveal. No noteworthy development with any of the characters, except the Cuckoos who get diamond hearts with Phoenix fragments trapped inside. That’s it.

And just as we’re all sure that this isn’t the last we’ve heard of the Phoenix, Emma Frost expects its inevitable return, vowing to kick its ass once it comes back. Lame. Hot cover though. Get it? Hot? Three hot chicks bursting in flames? No? Whatever.

I give this 2 ouzzzzzzzzzzz…...

That’s a lot of X for this week. Actually, X is always involved every week in my little world. But that’s another story for another time. I’m out.