The Club

Jan 14

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We all know the eight rules of Fight Club, right? What if I tell you that there’s more than eight? Your mind. It’s just been, you know, blown. Before I reveal the rest of the rules to you, let me refresh your memory on the first eight:

You do not talk about Fight Club.
You do not talk about Fight Club.
If someone says stop, goes limp, taps out, the fight is over.
Two guys to a fight.
One fight at a time.
No shirts, no shoes.
Fights will go on as long as they have to.
If this is your first night at Fight Club, you have to fight.

And now, with the risk of Mr. Durden punching my face and kicking my balls, I present to you the rejected rules of Fight Club:

No trash talk. We have strong fists and mighty jaws, but we do have sensitive hearts.
No crying. Pussies.
Thursday night is ladies’ night.
During ladies’ night, multiple ladies can join the fight, provided that they’re wearing bras and thongs only, and they need to be oiled up.
Kicking your opponent’s balls is so totally uncool.
No videos. Unless it’s ladies’ night.
No chanting. Seriously. It’s hard to keep the cops away when everybody’s shouting “E-C-W! E-C-W! E-C-W!”
If you must talk about Fight Club, you must refer to it as San Diego exercise. It must be accompanied by a wink. And remember, wink once, it’s a code. Wink twice, you’re gay.
No emos allowed.
Everytime some dude kicks another dude’s balls, everybody else must make the “boing!” sound for comical effect.
You do not blog about Fight Club.
You do not blog about Fight Club.
Hugging is allowed. Manly hugging.