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My family is my home by default. It may not feel like it sometimes, but it’s my home, first and last. But what I’m looking for is that home where even when faced with a great unknown, I would not falter. No fears. No lies. Just peace. Just love. Just… home.

I spent 7 years of mirth, merriment, and mayhem in college. I declared UPLB my second home. My second family. Even after graduating, coming back to dear ol’ eLBi was like coming back home. But coming back home these days is not like what it used to be. It’s… different. These days, whenever I come back there, I feel indifferent. Like something’s changed. Like I don’t belong in that familiar place. Like it’s not home anymore.

The Ex recently called. A couple of years ago, the warmth of her embrace was home to me. The passion of her kisses. The care in her voice. The love in her eyes. Home. But now, she’s just a girl with a really cool nickname. The Ex. Pfft. I couldn’t come back home to her even if I wanted to.

So where or to whom do I come back home now? Like that idiot Hansel (brother to that witch-killer Gretel), I just left breadcrumbs all over my life, expecting that they’ll lead me back home if ever I get lost in the thick wicked forest of the world. Breadcrumbs that became dinner for the birds. My sick and sad world’s birds. And I feel I have yet to meet The Witch. And I don’t have a Gretel to save my sorry ass. I’m so totally screwed.

I should have used white pebbles.

• Ceasing Dickeries for Holy Week