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I know. That title is an easy target for Pedo Michael jokes, but you need to know that I’m serious and I will not make Michael Jackson jokes in this post. I’m writing this with the motto “Say only good things about the recently dead.” or something. This is about my early childhood memories of the King of Pop. I may not be his biggest fan, but I know that in my younger years, he touched me. Yes, Michael Jackson touched me when I was still a little boy.

MJ touched Bubbles the Chimp and Mr. Bulldog (not real name) too.

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One night, three movies. I was bored.

Push is like a really nice episode of Heroes. It may be a tad confusing for ordinary fucking people, but for comic book people like me, I got the entire “We were born with special abilities and now we must survive in a world of ordinary fucking people” schtick even before the first scene was done. Yes, I appreciated it, but not entirely. Even comic book people can be confused by shaky plots. Maybe the presence of Camilla Belle made the whole thing go down a whole lot easier that it could have.

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Greetings, readers of this Internet journal! I, Lord Bigus Baddiesworth IV, once again welcome you to this little  web log series called Quickie Histoy Lessons! Today is the 12th of June, 2009 and it is the 111th year of Philippine Independence. “Independence from what?” you might ask. Well, dear intrepid web log visitor, do I have a short story for you.

It all began in an archipelago in Southeast Asia where kingdoms and small communities thrived, untouched by the Western world. These independent kingdoms were magnificent, maintaining complex social and political orders and trade relationships with neighboring nations. UNTIL THE WESTERN HANDS OF SATAN REACHED OUT FROM ACROSS THE SEAS.

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This movie just reminded me why I have a love-hate relationship with anime. First, let me tell you the things that I like about Afro Samurai: Resurrection:

• a be-afroed samurai dude who cuts up people like they’re nothing
• a samurai dude wearing a teddy bear head
• a group of vengeful cyborg samurais
• a hot psychotic chick with huge knockers

And now for the things I don’t like:

• EVERYTHING ELSE

I mean, seriously. I love the crazy characters and the awesome battles, but I just can’t stand all the posturing and the looooooooooong repetitive monologues. Oy. It was annoying.

Music always helps, no matter what you’re going through. So, if you flunk a big test, or you had a really bad breakup, or you just miss someone so bad, it hurts, then listen to my playlist. A hundred songs to save your life. And it should help. – Peyton Sawyer, “One Tree Hill”

Dear Future Offspring,

First of all, that quote over there is from an episode of One Tree Hill a couple of weeks ago. The line was delivered by Peyton Sawyer, a character I’ve never found interesting until recently. She’s pregnant and there’s a big chance that she’ll die when she gives birth. That’s why she made a time capsule for her future child. You know, just in case she bites it. Look it up. It’s an awesome show.

I’m doing the same thing now, but not because I have a medical condition that may possibly kill me on your birthday. Also, I will not get pregnant. Pay attention to your biology and sex ed classes, OK? I’m doing this because I might be too drunk to explain stuff to you or I might be too busy making love to your hopefully hot mom to talk to you. More importantly, I’m doing this because I believe that what Peyton said is a universal truth. Music always helps, no matter what you’re going through. Music is your best friend. It will never judge you. It will never leave you. It will always be there for you. If nobody is there to listen, you can always listen to your best friend.

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